LIVING
THE GIFT
“A Unicorn’s Journey Into Spirit”
by Barbara Mayer
Copyright 2009 Barbara Mayer
ISBN# 13… 978-0-9843754-9-3, ISBN is 0-9843754-9-X
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.
Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
To Barbara Litrell
A true master with insight to dare new journeys while living her gifts of compassionate service and courageous, visionary leadership..
To Theresa Matregrano
Who carries the Earth Mother Heart while understanding the magic of inner mystic seas
Also Honoring
Bill Mayer and John Mayer
Who have always remained true to their own visions of living the gifts of their lives.
Dorie Bowlin
Who lives her gift of positive vision for the world of tomorrow we are creating today.
Nancy Donahue
Who lives the gift of calm wisdom in her gentle unfolding of love.
Some Words Before You Travel
Every journey implies a destination worth its effort. Some travels demand courage to continue, while others seem to flow along in the beauty of life itself. The greatest journey lies through the spirit, and the fulfillment its destination brings.
In the following pages you will meet a unicorn with a dream, a master of the spirit who prepares for a journey beyond this life, and a water buffalo who exists only in the beauty of remembering.
There is a resonance to words, even read silently. There are harmonies in their sounds as they echo through the body, the mind and the spirit. It is my hope that these words, and the message you take from them, will find a resonance in you. If you can put yourself back to a simpler time, and realize the beauty of growing into life in its fullness all over again by traveling with this unicorn, who knows where the ending will find you? At the beginning the reading will be very simple and almost child-like, and it will grow in depth only as the unicorn – and you – grow to new spiritual maturity. After reading those first few pages you may think this is a children’s book, but it is not. It is, rather, a book for the child in you which still longs for a deeper understanding of the many secrets which lie hidden in one’s own mystic seas.
These words are written for anyone who wants to dream, to reach and to love. What matters in the reading is belief in yourself, and a desire to find your own gift to give this world. If you have that much in your heart, I invite you to take this journey with the unicorn, and realize your unique and wonderful gift somewhere along the travels of this book. In fact, as you read, you will soon realize that you, yourself, are the unicorn who grows to new fullness in the following pages.
My thanks to some special people who have shared their beauty throughout my own journey. Albi and Bill Mayer not only gave me life; they gave life to my dreams as well. Taka Kanno, a master of the spirit, loved enough to share her wisdom and the beauty of her silences. Special thanks to all those who have let me be part of their spiritual travels -- and to the Source of All Creation, which delights in being the Presence in our greatest journey – back into the Heart of Love, which is the womb of our creation and the destiny which awaits us all.
These words were written in three places of beauty and vision – Gloucester, Massachusetts; Maui, Hawaii; and Sedona, Arizona. Part of each of them has also become part of this book.
But this is your journey, and as you read these words, it will become your own story. Enjoy the scenery and the visions you will witness through your own inner eye, and have your own delightful time of discovery and treasure as you travel through these pages!
As always, the best part of caring is sharing.
Barbara Mayer
Sedona, Arizona
Chapter One
It isn’t enough to be. What matters most is that you become.
“Everything must be very simple, once you understand it.”
A water buffalo had said that. Now the unicorn turned the words around again, comfortable with their memory because the future seemed a bit much to comprehend. “Someday I’ll understand it all,” he thought. But hope was not high in his heart, and he had not yet learned the sweetness of possibility.
It was an ordinary day for an extraordinary creature. The western sun seemed bright enough. The sky seemed turquoise blue enough, and a soft wind over the desert whispered the world was indeed moving on. There was no water, and as the unicorn frowned toward the horizon, he was very aware of that. He also knew, somehow, there ought to be.
The desert was quiet as the sun rolled across the great western sky until the unicorn heard a very strange sound. It was high and brave, then low and mellow, definitely not like anything he had ever heard. His graceful head leaned one way, then another. He decided to investigate and soon, on the other side of a sand ridge, there was the sound, and a creature making it.
He looked like a strong man, yet he seemed very old, with white hair matching an equally white beard. As he stroked a wooden box with some kind of wand, magical sound spilled into the air. But then the sound stopped abruptly and the man looked up, aware he was no longer alone. “I don’t believe it!” His dark eyes came alive. “A little unicorn!” He stood and slowly walked toward his visitor.
Though the unicorn did not exactly know what to do, he didn’t feel the need to run away. But as the man drew close, he did take a few steps backward.
“Now, don’t do that” The deep voice was gentle. “I just want to get a closer look at you, and make sure you are real.”
The unicorn stood very still until the man was in front of him, reaching a leathery hand over his white coat. It was a good touch, filled with awe and respect as the aged fingers moved slowly, finally tracing up that golden horn as it stood against the brilliant desert sky. “You are real! My name is John. What’s yours?”
The man had a tender smile, yet the unicorn realized how penetrating those dark eyes really were. But they were also warm and honest, and he was not afraid. He even dared believe he might actually be heard. “I don’t have a name. In fact, most people don’t even see me. No one has ever touched me. You’re the first man who ever even noticed I am here.”
John seemed to understand. “I suppose that’s so. Sad, isn’t it, for anyone to miss such an incredible creature as you.”
The unicorn swung his head a bit to the left, his horn casting a unique shadow on the sand as his mane flowed to the side.
“What are you doing here? What could a unicorn possibly be doing in the desert?”
As young as he was, the unicorn could tell this person was different. Fear began to slip away and he felt a small trust building, though he knew he was risking much. “I’ve always been here, though I don’t think it’s where a unicorn should be. I keep trying to move in the right direction, but I can’t seem to find the way.”
John was gentle with consolation. “You’re young, that’s all, and you probably don’t know much about directions. Where do you want to go?”
There was a pause as the unicorn’s eyes seemed to travel a hard distance, and then they finally slipped shut, and a frown appeared. With his eyes still closed, as it seemed to help him say the words, he began. “Sometimes when I sleep, I think I am in another place. It isn’t this desert, and I am all alone. My water buffalo isn’t around me. But I am near a great deal of water, as far as I can see. And the most amazing thing? I am all grown up! And I know whatever it is I’m supposed to know …”
“You’ve had dreams of the ocean, the sea.”
“The sea?”
That was a very easy answer for John. He had been dreaming that dream again, too. “The pictures you see in your sleep are what we call dreams, and in your dreams, you see yourself at the ocean. Interesting. But why do you think you’d be grown and wise at the ocean?” The old man seemed to be testing him and the unicorn settled on the sand, allowing the gentle hand to rest on his shoulder. He was confident now, and eager to share with this stranger who could not only see him, but touch and hear him as well.
“I have thought if I can get to that water, maybe I might finally be grown up. Somewhere inside me there is something I know I must do, but right now it’s just a fuzzy feeling. I’ve done other things in this desert, like eat and sleep and watch the sun roll over. But if I can get to that place, I think I’ll know what that special thing is. I just don’t really know what I’m looking for. Have you ever felt like that?”
The old man nodded slowly. “Anyone who tries to live honestly has that feeling, little one. It’s a sign you’re healthy in your spirit, and that you are very much alive!”
Now the unicorn was genuinely excited. Here was someone who actually wanted to hear his thoughts. “But I’ll probably never get to that water – the ocean. There’s no one to show me the way, and I know I’d get lost. I walk far and I work hard, but I never seem to get anywhere.”
There was a long moment as John seemed to take the measure of this young creature. “There are two oceans, one on either side of this land. Which one do you want to find?” He settled the wooden box in its case, and taking it as a sign he was ready for some serious talking, the unicorn grew hopeful. “I think I’m supposed to go east, but I don’t know what east is. In my sleep pictures, though, I know I am east.”
The worn violin case snapped shut. “Well, east is a direction. If you just turn the right way and keep going, eventually you reach the ocean at the east end of this land.”
That seemed much too simple an answer, but it was worth a try. “Then could you turn me the right way?”
The old man studied the youthful dream before him, then seemed to study more his own life and the travels he had made. His dark eyes seemed to move down a very long road, and after he seemed to agree with something only he understood, he replied. “Actually, I think it’s time for me to go east again. I could take you there.”
The thrill was almost too much and the young heart seemed to leap higher than every cactus the unicorn had ever seen. “Could you? Really? What a relief! One day I’d probably get turned around wrong and end up back here!” The unicorn didn’t mind admitting his lack of direction, though he did dare a thought. “And we’ll be friends?”
John had to smile into those hopeful eyes, though his answer was a bit of advice. “We’ll just start off together, and become. You can’t just be something like a friend, you know. First you have to become.”
This was puzzling, but the unicorn felt suddenly brave. “Then could we try to start becoming friends?”
“That’s very possible.” John nodded. “Yes, someone like you might be very good at becoming. It’s one of the most wonderful parts of life.”
He was still a bit confused, but now the unicorn grew pensive. “I think I had a friend once. He was a water buffalo.”
“A water buffalo? In the desert?”
“He was just a small water buffalo, and he didn’t know how he got here, either. We traveled together, but the water buffalo felt he had to find some water, and go west. So one day he set off toward what he hoped was west. He went to find some water, and maybe himself, he told me. Maybe we were friends...”
“You still are! Friends don’t always have to be with each other, you know. Your water buffalo just had to find his own ocean. But I’m sure he remembers you and everything you talked about, just as you remember him. Does he still have a place in your heart?”
“Oh, yes!” That was an easy answer. “But I worry about him. I wonder if he ever found water, and if he’s happy. I wonder too if he ever understood what he meant when he said he had to find himself. I hope he did.”
“I’m sure he found some water.” The old man’s voice had such a depth of soothing. “And if you still have him in your heart, he is very much your friend.”
It was good news. “That makes me happy. And now maybe you’ll be my new friend -- ,” the unicorn paused, “if we become right.”
The old man reached for his bag of gear. “Little one, before it’s all over, I think you’ll have many, many friends!”
The sun was rolling on the down side now, and John sensed the unicorn’s excitement. “Well, if we want to be some place we are not, there’s only one thing to do. We should start moving toward it.”
But instead there came a mild protest. The unicorn didn’t want his friend who was becoming to get disappointed with little progress on the first day. “But the sun is rolling down already, John. Soon night will come, and I always fall asleep at night.”
The old man laughed. “So do I! We won’t get far, but we’ll begin. Today we’ll make just a little move, and though we’ll get much farther in days to come, this first move is the most important. When you need to begin, starting is the biggest move of all. After that, everything goes a lot more easily.” He had already swung the worn leather bag to his shoulder, and picking up his violin case, he nodded. “Let’s start! This going might be very good!”
The sun, more mellow now, had made an orange and red tapestry of some magnificent clouds. It also washed the creature’s golden horn in cadmium brilliance, and the unicorn’s white coat sparkled like an opal set against a rich golden setting of sand. “I’m ready.” The creature’s words were strong.
“I know you are. And now I’m ready to find my ocean again, too.”
They made a strange pair as they turned their backs to the west. The sun, seeming to understand something special had happened, lit the sky with a thousand shades of color. It was a still-life fireworks display to celebrate a journey’s beginning. But the unicorn hesitated, looking back at is splendor. “I’ve always loved the sunset.”
John knew. “There is a time for sunsets, but now you must learn to love sunrises. They’re not as dramatic, and they slip away on you much too fast. But sunrises are beautiful too, and they’re perfect for anyone moving ahead. They signal beginning, and beginnings are always special times.”
The unicorn turned back into the approaching darkness, trying to make the promise as intently as possible. “I’ll try to remember that, John.” He had already begun to grow, and his companion smiled, preparing for his own new growth in the East.
Journey Note: First, you have to become.
Chapter Two
People hold me best who let me flow.
Though their first move was a short one, John had been right. That move was the biggest of all. But as he looked around at the rocks, painted such delicate shades of pink, purple, rust and orange, the unicorn grew sad. They had suddenly become much more dear, and as they walked on, John sensed the change. “Aren’t you happy we’re going?”
“I’m happy.” But the tremble in his voice betrayed him. “This is just a different happiness than I imagined. Now that I’m really going to leave the desert, I already miss it. Maybe I’ll never see these colors again, or hear wind whispering over the sand like this.”
The old man understood. “I suppose we just never realize how beautiful things are until we tell them good-bye. In a way, though, the leaving is good because it sharpens the memory, putting places and people into our hearts in a special way.”
“Do you think I’ll ever come back?”
“Maybe. I feel you have a lot of travels ahead of you, but one day you may come back to visit your roots.”
“Roots? What are roots?”
John could see the unicorn was very young. “Well, they’re places where you always feel comfortable. They’re ideas and pictures and special creatures like your water buffalo who stay somewhere deep in your heart. They make you feel you belong. The first place you felt those things is the place of your roots. And though you travel far through life, you always know where you first felt you belonged – in those roots which began it all.”
But this made the unicorn frown. “My roots aren’t very deep, are they? One day I was just here. And my first thought wasn’t why I was here. Instead, it was a dream about all that water in the ocean.”
“No mother? No father?” John wondered. “Perhaps that’s why you don’t have a name. What did the water buffalo call you?”
“He just called me unicorn, and I called him water buffalo. It worked out very well. We always knew exactly who was being talked to.”
“Yes, but there are a lot of water buffalos, and I would think there are other unicorns out beyond this desert. Somewhere there must be other unicorns …”
“There are?” This was a startling thought. “You mean I’m not unique?”
The old man couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, you’re unique all right, because you are you! But a name would make you more unique, just in case you meet up with another unicorn some day. Names are special sounds, too. They echo down deep when you understand them well, and they make a music which says exactly who you are.”
The unicorn was puzzled. “How does anyone get a name, anyway? And how do things begin?”
Traveling back to that great source was easy for John. “Well, most things get born in some way, and someone names them. If you go back far enough, everything is started by God. God begins everything. He sort of speaks it into existence and it becomes a word, like unicorn! Yes, when you get right down to it, you come from God.”
Another strange word. “What’s God? Is that my mother or my father?”
“In a way, yes. But you can’t explain God, not with thoughts from the mind. Some people have even decided God is a he, while some feel “he” isn’t even there at all! That’s because they need everything terribly explained, logical, and right in front of them for their body’s eyes to see. If some people aren’t aware of God, though, that’s all right. One of these days of lives they’ll get it right. Some things do take time. But you can be very sure God is aware of them, because God is in them! God is the central spirit of love in all of us. God is the Source of everything that is! One man long ago said it well. ‘Oh God, I have heard the cry of my heart, because it was you who cried out within my heart!’
“God is so great we cannot really name the idea we call God, because to name something means to contain it. The great Source of All is beyond the concept of name, but because we live in this place of God’s mind called Earth, we need to call it something. So a lot of people call it God, but there are many other names for that source, too. We humans just have some great need to give things names.
“And among those who manage to stay aware, there are some who think of God as a father. Not many people think of God as a mother, but that’s their own lack of wisdom. We do tend to speak about God as a man, but it isn’t, just as it isn’t a unicorn. Just for convenience we call him ‘He’, though. It makes things easier. But talking about God, or even talking to him, isn’t the most important thing. What matters most is that you stay aware of the GodLight and the GodLove flowing right through your own heart. God makes the special power of you, just as you help make God God by being a part of him.
“God is the great power of love, and he keeps making things. He’s love that’s so great that it just has to keep on sharing itself, so it keeps creating, every minute! God keeps creating himself in us, and us in Himself. One of the nicest things God ever said was, “Behold, I make all things new!”
“But I am already! How can I be new?”
It was lucky for the unicorn John knew the value of teaching. “You’re newer today than you were yesterday, little one. And when tomorrow’s sunrise comes, you’ll be even newer. That’s the joy of being alive! Some people think of it as getting older. But in each moment coming fresh in the spirit, you really just keep getting newer.”
Yet there were scars of insufficiency in the unicorn and he frowned, looking off toward some distant rocks. “I don’t feel like a word God spoke, much less a new word which keeps getting newer every day. Maybe he was just playing with the idea when he thought of a unicorn. Does God ever just play with ideas? Maybe I was only a mumbly sound he never really spoke, and he really didn’t think about me that much.”
“Oh, he thought of you, all right! And he must have spoken the word unicorn with a special delight!” John seemed sure of that. “He thought about your beautiful white coat, and he must have been really happy when he thought about your golden horn! He thought about your heart and how much it could love, once it got the chance. God thought about your deep eyes and your most important eye – the eye inside you, which gives you the purest vision. And he thought about your power to speak. Not every creature has it, you know. But he made you to speak because he knew some day you’d have something wonderful to say. No, you’re certainly much more than a mumbly sound, and some day you’ll have a name.”
The unicorn’s eyes brightened. “Will you give me a name? Then you could call me something when we talk, like I call you John. And I could get used to a word which would mean exactly me!”
Instead the old man’s gaze caressed the distance before them, already envisioning a baptism of special blessing. “You’ll have a name, but let’s wait until we get to the sea. All that water will be perfect for giving you a name.”
As they moved on across the desert, the old man became silent and the unicorn didn’t think he should interrupt. At first he was trying to understand what John had told him about God, yet there seemed to be something special about the old man’s silence. So he walked on. But soon their steps moving across the earth grew louder, and after coughing first, he asked politely. “Do you mind if we talk?”
“Not at all.”
“It just seems when you’re with someone, you should talk.”
The old man’s weathered face was mysteriously powerful as he turned. “That’s not always true.” His voice was gentle, as if it still had some silence in it. “You’ve spent a lot of time alone. Surely you must realize the value of not saying anything.”
“It’s different when I’m alone,” the unicorn explained. “The only one I have to talk to is myself, and sometimes I really don’t have that much to say.”
“But silence has nothing to do with being alone.” John walked on. “Real silence means you’ve stopped listening to the noise on the outside, and stopped making noise on the inside. It means you’ve turned your hearing toward your awareness, and you’re listening to life.”
This was completely baffling. “Listen to life?”
“It’s very simple. You stop listening to old ideas you’ve already had, as you stop worrying about things that may never happen, and just let yourself drift to where there are no words. That’s where everyone really lives, though many people don’t realize it. There is a word which says love and a word which says friend. But those are mere words. Ah, but the feelings! The awareness! Just the knowledge that things really are the way they are. That’s what real silence can teach you. Oh, there are times when people invade your silence, but then you have to be patient.”
“Did I invade your silence?” The unicorn wondered if he should apologize.
“Not really. You gave me a long time with it before you spoke, and though you didn’t understand, you respected it. That means you’ve started to know me better.”