Lovefool - Amalia ANGELLINNI presented by Scholar Europe
Original title: LOVEFOOL
Author: Amalia Angellinni
Cover: Anna Brakoniecka & SN
ISBN 978-83-929832-0-0
English Edition (2nd English edition, November 2010)
Copyright 2009 Anna Brakoniecka, Scholar Europe (exclusive publisher)
Contact Amalia:
Official homepage of Amalia Angellinni (DE; ENG; PL, FR)
Be Lovefool: http://www.lovefool.be
Meet Amalia @ Twitter
Meet Amalia @ Smashwords
See the results of the contest “Summer campaign under the sign of all love fools”:
http://www.scholar-online.eu/articles.php?article_id=64
License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or otherwise transferred to a third party nor used for commercial purposes. If you would like to share this book, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book without having purchased it, or if it was not purchased for your use only, you should return it to Scholar Europe or Smashwords.com or any other store selling it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.
THANK YOU!
If I hadn't met Anna Brakoniecka, I wouldn’t have been able to do this.
If
I would say just a simple „Thank you”, it wouldn't describe my
gratitude even in the smallest range. The human languages are mostly
limited when it is about describing emotions and feelings. Therefore,
take my „Thank you” and be sure that it's much, much more than
just words captured in black letters.
My journey with
„Lovefool“ started as I have seen the first scenes in front of my
eyes, somewhere on the way between my university, my apartment,
between course of examinations, masses of the professional literature
for my work papers and every other work needed in my life.
Already
as my journey began, I met many people who accompanied me and who
would still (hopefully) accompany me. The first great critics were my
closest friends and then, the team at Scholar Online Europe. These
people encouraged me and took away from me many tasks, fears and
obligations that caught me up to that time like a boa.
My
first book „Lovefool“ was published in English 2009. And my life
has changed rapidly.
In the meantime, my book is no work just
of mine, but a common project of many people, who are invisible for
fans. All these people get one more thank you at that point, because
they have changed my life and brought me at the literary riverside.
Otherwise, all my work would stay captured in a drawer of my desktop.
I thank Anna and her team at Scholar Online Europe, where
young, lost souls like me get a really good, European stay as well as
every needed mental and media support. It's not only about
translators, who voluntary carry for better integration. They are my
friends and people I know who give me advices and support me like the
fellows on the way to Mordor.
That is Rita and Rainer, who
have been sitting days and nights and improved the German edition
grammatically, polished everything once again and put into question
Barbie's fingernails and 'river of words'. They didn't want to
influence the lyric side of my book that is underlined so often. That
is Mandy and other voluntary translators, who work on interviews and
other material. It is my friends, who point at details and who send
me music advices. It's about musicians, who composed songs and
melodies that inspire me. It's Anna, again, who brought the idea of
making the soundtrack instead of a list for all chapters and in this
way, she won over the chaos. It's Coldplay, Beyonce, Paramore, Anna
Nalick, Train, Muse, Tegan & Sara, Greg Laswell, several (movie)
composers and classic artists, who influenced my mood while writing
and they did it up to the further extension of my musical perception.
It's people I know from social media, who motivate me and send
constructive criticism.
Last, but not least, it's my fans,
who won't be mentioned here by names, because there are too many of
you! They wrote to me and are happy, when they get answer from me
(luckily, I am still able to answer your correspondence, even if it
is made only a short hop between yesterday and tomorrow.). These
people take my conceptions and analyze them; they ask questions and
send some suggestions. Sometimes, it is like a table tennis: we
inspire us each other and you can find some details frozen for the
eternity in my book in form of black letters that you recognize. If
you find such things on one of the pages, it is apparently no pure
coincidence! :-)
Thank you to people who bring me further
literally, even if their actions have not much in common with my
book: a smile on a very bad day or a call from far, far away are
simple things that make life so worth to live. My family supports me,
even if not many of them are potential readers of my book. Here, I’d
like to thank above all to every person who sent me any material
related to the book. The winners of our contest ‘Summer
campaign under the sign of all love fools’
2010 are already announced. It was such a pleasure and honour to be
one of the jury members, who I allowed to look at every piece of your
creativity! That was simply awesome!
It is “just” the
second edition of my book that was published for the first time in
October 2009 in English, in November 2009 in Polish and in July 2010
in German. It is for me much more than a book and much more than just
a simple “Thank you”. It is a life of my characters: Mia,
Sebastian and Julian. Moreover, it is the reality that is sometimes
much more beautiful than imagined conception. I wrote today via
Twitter: „I am happy in front of a greater happiness. That is luck.
Good luck! “ And it is how I feel about right now. I just finished
the second part of “Lovefool” (with the title: „Lovefool –
I(m)mortal“) and gave it away to the grammar check. I am still
waiting for further opinions of you, people from the whole world, and
I feel just happy. I send you the good luck of the world and I hope
that we can celebrate together, even if it's not only possible from
the logistical point of view.
We read us soon!
Many
thanks,
Amalia
PS: I send warm greetings to Ireland to Anne Canders, who helped with searching after grammar mistakes. Thanks again to my family, friends and thank to Poland, the country that gave me inspiration.
LOVEFOOL’S SOUNDTRACK:
#1 PROLOG
#2 RING OF FIRE
#3 YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME
#4 WORDS AND THOUGHTS
#5 JUST MY IMAGINATION
#6 COSY IN MY MIND
#7 WHISPER OF A THRILL
#8 TODAY HAS BEEN OK
#9 WHAT YOU’RE WAITING FOR
#10 TELL ME NOW WHAT YOU SEE
#11 IT IS ALL COMING BACK TO ME
#12 TEN FEET OFF THE GROUND
#13 FROZEN
#14 STAY ANOTHER DAY
#15 ONE, TWO, STEP
#16 THE LADY IS A TRAMP
#17 SPARKLE ME
#18 WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE DAY
#19 EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL
#20 MY WAY
#21 AND THEN I MET HIM
#22 4 MINUTES
#23 DRIVE MY CAR
#24 I HAVE A FEELING
#25 DAMAGED
#26 MY GIRL
#27 BREAKING THE HABBIT
#28 MEET ME HALFAWAY
#29 THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL
#30 A PROMISE KEPT
#31 UNABLE TO STAY, UNWILLING TO LEAVE
#32 GLORIA VICTIS
#33 NUMB
#34 GREEN FINCH AND LINNET BIRD
#35 SLEEPLESS
#36 COME WHAT MAY
#37 BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY
#38 ME AND MY MONKEY
#39 DON’T BOTHER
#40 IRIS
#41 WHERE DOES THE GOOD GO
#42 LOVELY DAY
#43 FEEL
#44 CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE
#45 CITY CALLS YOU
#46 UNDER THE WAVES
#47 MAN FOR ALL SEASONS
#48 MEAN MAN
#49 CHILDREN OF THE REVOLUTION
#50 THUNDER
#51 MEMORIES
#52 TAKE AWAY THE WORDS
#52 LIVE AND LEARN
#53 MAN IN THE MIRROR
#54 I HAVE NOTHING
#55 LET ME SUFFER IN SILENCE
#56 THE GIRL WITH THE SUN IN HER HAIR
#57 BLEEDING IN LOVE
#58 SHAPE OF MY HEART
#59 BREATH (2 AM)
#60 TREMBLE FOR MY LOVE
#61 SAY IT RIGHT
#62 BEYOND THE SEA
#63 ALL THE SMALL THINGS
#64 ALL THE GOOD THINGS (COME TO AN END)
#65 WALLPAPER
#66 THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST
#67 PIANO THEME
#68 HAWAIIAN ROLLER COASTER
#69 SUSPICIOUS MINDS
#70 ANGELS
#71 FAITHFUL
#72 COULD IT BE MAGIC
#73 CHEEK TO CHEEK
#74 THE LEGEND SPREADS
#75 SON OF A PREACHER’S MAN
#76 CAN’T HELP MYSELF
#77 HOURGLASS GLUED TO A TABLE
#78 HANDS OF TIME
#79 EVERY YOU AND EVERY ME
#80 COLD-PLAY
#81 WORLDS APART
#82 BITTER SWEET SYMPHONY
#83 DOWNTOWN
#84 HANG OVER
#85 DEAD AND GONE
#86 THE PROFESSIONAL GUN
#87 OSTANUS DAY
#88 WITH SWORD AND FIRE
#89 NEVER FORGET
#90 (I CAN FEEL YOUR) HALO
#91 HOW TO SAFE A LIFE
#92 LOVE WILL COME THROUGH
#1 PROLOGUE
This situation made me furious, disappointed, it took myself to my limits and still I am remaining politically correct and diplomatic as always. Otherwise, I would have been lost from the very beginning. Dead man is always walking on a thin red line. It is the 4th degree of danger. Damn it.
But at the same time these feelings were overwhelmed by a great shadow, I am feeling powerless. And it hurts. Inside of me I am throwing myself here and there. I am walking on thin ice. Dead woman is walking instead of me. I am curious when it will all come crashing down. Scars usually remain for a long time.
Thousands of words, millions of associations, lack of sense in the whole chaos and I am looking for some emotions. Today I am not feeling much at all. I am feeling empty inside and outside of me. I left him and this will echo through all eternity. I am feeling a great nothing. I can see only blood in the snow and it seems only logical, that it is my own blood. Cogito ergo sum, I think, therefore I am. I suppose you can still see a shadow of me. Let me die. Let me rest in peace. There is nothing of me anywhere. I cannot live like this anymore.
Then I thought I needed one minute to notice him, one hour to judge him and one day to fall in love with him. Now, I need the whole eternity to forget him. I do not have so much time. I am dying now. I love him and I am dying.
#2 RING OF FIRE
It was a very dark night. The moon was behind clouds and the stars were not shining at all. It was so gloomy that it was not possible to see anything. Some figures were gathered in a perfect circle and waited without a sound for something about to happen. It was too murky to say whether it was an open landscape or just a garden behind a house. However, it was for sure that these figures were standing outside.
One of the figures clapped twice and suddenly a fire lit up out of nowhere in the middle of the circle. Now you could see some faces hidden under white hoods of tunics. It was still very dark and it was still not possible to recognise anyone. There were 30, maybe 40 shapes building this circle and everyone was focused on what happened in the middle of it.
A very old figure of a man with white hair and trembling hands stood in the middle near to the thin stream of fire and looked to its top and suddenly a ball of fire appeared above the flames. The old man bowed down and took some earth into his hands, and then he diffused what he had in his hands over the ball of flames. Suddenly the ball changed its structure and became solid and strong. It looked like a small version of the globe, but it was made just from the soil. Then the old man stretched his hand and out of nowhere he took a wee bottle, he opened it and five drops of water came out of it, dripping directly on the solid ball, mixing with the earth. Everyone could see that the ball became a real miniature of globe with oceans and seas and continents on it.
Then, with a rapid movement of his hand the old man captured some air and directed the wind on the ball over the fire. In addition, the little globe started to rotate.
Everyone was looking quietly and emotionless at this ritual.
The old man bowed a little to better see, what was happening on the little globe. The others stayed covered under their white tunicas.
-Brothers and sisters. – whispered the old man, still focused on the globe. - There will be a great war that will make humankind much weaker than ever before. There will be a sea of blood and there will be suffering. There will be emptiness and hopes will be broken. When destruction and mass murders will be over, humankind will recover and will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. A boy will be born and this boy will lead us a step closer to the one we keep looking for.
Everyone was focused on the old man. They observed him very carefully and listened to every single word of his with the highest attention.
-It will be in a land between Russia and Germany. – The old man went on and tried to take a closer look at the tiny globe. – Who will help the old man to read the signs?
After the question was asked, one person came out of the circle and stepped closer to the old man.
- Julian, thank you. Here, look here. – The old man pointed with a trembling finger at a part of the little globe.
Julian’s face was better to see when he bowed above the fascinating creation of fire, earth, water and air. Julian was looking quite young: every human would approximately calculate his age for 20, maybe 25 years. He had sapphire blue eyes and short hair, which was blowing in the wind. He was taller than the old man and had to bow himself much further to see what the old man was showing.
-It is a city, which is completely destroyes, it’s a city, which will be rebuilt by human hands, and which will be the capital after the war has ended.
Julian was looking at the globe and saw a small city, which was destroyed by all means, there were airplanes dropping bombs on it, there were soldiers throwing grenades and there was fire and sufferance everywhere. These pictures looked like a movie or rather like a tiny living model of the city.
-It is Warsaw. It has to be Warsaw. – Julian said without doubts.
-Poland? – The old man kept silent for a while and then added:
–Eastern Europe will play a great role not only for humans. Would you mind to take on this task? – asked the old man and put his hand on Julian’s shoulder.
-I will be there. – said Julian convinced.
-Good, but don’t be too fast, you still have some years before it will happen and if you prefer, you can stay here until the war is over. – The old man was smiling friendly.
Then the tiny globe rotated faster and faster and exploded. The bang was undersized and the earth and water fell down onto the flame and doused the fire.
It was a very dark night and it was not possible to see anything.
* MANY YEARS LATER ... *
#3 YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME
The first day in a new school is never the best day. She knew it already from her experience. Moreover, for her this was just another schoolish school. For her there were white walls, some teachers, and some lessons, crowds of young people which she did not intent to get to know deeply and whom she would traditionally leave after one school year without any good-bye. Generally, goodbyes were not her strength. It was easier to do as if she would come back after the summer holidays and then nobody had a problem with it. This way she was avoiding many questions, which was the most important aspect. Anyway: how should she take a goodbye from people who barely knew her? She knew almost everything about them at the end of the school year and they did not know much about her. It was almost like her very own ritual.
Because she was not one of them. She was not a girl with loving and warm-hearted parents, eating her mother's home-made mushroom soup, arguing with her father, playing with the family’s dog, having smiley-face posters on her wall. Some people are just broken inside and unbreakable outside. In addition, she did not establish any friendships. It was not her cup of tea.
For her new class mates, this time in Warsaw, it was not as easy and open. Everybody in the class knew about the new pupil coming to town and everybody was curious what kind of person she was. Here, people were not used to changes as maybe somewhere else. People kept talking about it for more than a week, because of Marta's mother, who was the school nurse. She had shared this secret with her daughter and spreading news in a small school is not a very difficult task. The last person who got the news was Tomek, who preferred to play soccer to sitting with the girls listening to the gossip. The guys' interests in sports now began to get into conflict with another wish: getting a girl you can call "your girl". It was the silly age when you start thinking about your first love, about your first kiss and about girls who tried to put on some nice make-up and wear high heels for the first time. Of course, you had would not talk about it, because such secrets should not give an opportunity for anybody to make a fool of you! This was the atmosphere in which the third class of the Polish High School named after Szymborska, a Nobel Prize winner in literature, started this week.
This class was apparently calm. The tutor has not arrived yet and everybody already knew all stories from the holidays, because on the second day of the school year you already got to see some pics from Christopher who was in Ireland or from Martha who was in Paris for a week. Everybody knew, Justyna stayed here all the time, in Warsaw, because she had to look after her brother and sister. The only new thing in the air was the new pupil with a most common and boring name that was easy to remember. Kowalska is just like Smith and you should be happy that you do not call such a person Ms. Doe. Ane the new girl did not expect this city would hold her longer than she planned. Only the faintest bad feeling, and she would never return here.
Only Wiola, called Viola by her friends, a blond wonder of nature and the class representative for two years, one of the most beautiful girls in the class and even in this city of 2 million, who knew the rare tricks of dating boys, the one who always knew the best solution when it comes to boys, did not seem to be so happy. But being a pro, she did not show why her mood was not as great as on any other day. She was sitting among the others chewing on her lip.
Gosia, rather a bad candidate for size zero clothes or playing a leading role in a High School Musical, was telling more jokes than anyone else. Everybody was laughing, remembering the holidays, which seemed to be so far away from reality now like the distance between the earth and the moon. Martha was speaking about her hunting results in Montmartre, one of the city parts in Paris. Boys were talking about cars, Formula 1 and football (what else?) and about their efforts in driving school. Christopher wanted to practice with his brother's car tonight.
In the same moment she already thought: another schoolish school.
Then Mrs Polanska entered into the classroom and looked around slowly. After some seconds, she already knew who was missing. One of these persons was the new girl. Moreover, Mrs Polanska had the honour to inform her pupils about the new girl.
- Darlings, I know you already miss holidays, but do concentrate, please.
The youngsters were smiling and one of boys said:
- We are always present at the ceremony at the end of the school year.
-Yes, I know. I would rather see you all during the whole school year and not only once a year.
Mrs Polanska wanted to spread the news, which her pupils already knew about, as she noticed. There was no nervous atmosphere in the class. She added quickly and just by the way:
-So, from now we will have more pupils in our class. There will be a new girl. Her name is Kowalska, and her first name is Emilia. She is supposed to arrive today and I hope you will like her.
Viola moved a little bit when she heard the name of the new girl and even more so when she heard the first name. She was afraid that the person coming to this class would be the one she already met before. And she was not so happy about it.
Some other people showed a little bit of enthusiasm, in the end they were not supposed to know about the new classmate until now. Also, they were a little bit exited about the new one. They already knew each other since primary school and three years ago, they all started High School and knew each other well. Their school was a part of a bigger school complex - the smallest one and the most hidden between old oaks. Next to this High School there was a bigger primary school. The kids did not disturb anybody, because they had their own buildings apart from the High School.
However, Emilia Kowalska did not show up. Right now she was walking along one of the main streets in Warsaw admiring Nowy Swiat and other sights. The Warsaw Castle was not as pretty as she expected it to be. She preferred Cracovia with its Middle Age atmosphere full of artists’ souls. In the castle she was missing any atmosphere. She walked step by step and was thinking about the new school.
It was her tradition to skip the first day in her new school with all its ceremonies and official events. She hated it. It was the first day after holidays, and she preferred not to be in the centre of attention. After the holidays, there always was so much to talk about, so she was hoping to go rather unnoticed. Now, after moving house, she wanted to rest. She was almost 17 and her grandmother grew older with every year and didn't have enough strength to deal with another relocation. Besides, this time grandmother said it should be her last house moving. If Mia wanted to study (in two years time), she was welcome to move on. Grandmother has become tired of this moving house procedure that was repeated year after year. Now there was a condition: stay two years in one city and then do whatever you want.
Mia was not interested in building did up relationships with her class mates, because she already knew right from the beginning that she was going to leave the place after a year. She had already lost so much that she did not want to lose more. She was not interested in things, that were important for girls - like make-up, shopping and parties. She did not want to start a relationship, because she was convinced she was screwed for eternity. She did not know why, but she had her experiences, her memories and did not want to share them with anybody.
Any kind of feeling was already gone. The fresh air and walking through the new city were the best medicine. She did not want to think about her experiences and those thoughts she had tried so hard to delete from her memory. She had to be always prepared. She did not know exactly for what, but she knew there was a person in the world, which she never ever wanted to see. She was escaping from the past but this past had the really annoying habit to catch her anytime she thought she had found at least some peace.
She did not have to think about excuses, because she could always say „I did not know where my class room is and you know, the new city, the new neighbourhood and girls just don’t get it right with the timing and so…”. It worked out great every time she had to use it. But she already knew well the plan of the school, she already knew her timetable. She already memorized it from when she came to this school to show her documents and enrol for the upcoming year. She chose this school because it had a good educational level and was prepared for any test. There was no test. When the tutors looked at her marks, there was no reason to be worried about the IQ of the new pupil. There was no negative comment about her, either. She has always been a perfect, unproblematic case.
Furthermore, this girl was interesting for another reason: some of her data was governmentally protected. You could only see the last school plus some other data, but nothing else. The teachers usually asked her only a few questions, rather a formal procedure than a necessity. Thereby Mia had the opportunity to get to know the new school and this one visit was enough to memorize all the details she needed to know. She knew how many exits there were, how you could get there in the fastest and slowest way and such things. It was a routine. She did her homework well. However, nobody should notice it.
Currently - as she was walking through the capital - she did not give her new classmates a chance to get to know her. Not now.
#4 WORDS AND THOUGHTS
Tuesday morning was as usual a little bit chaotic. The third class was not as loud as it could be, but 25 young people in one room although talking in their normal voices are anything but quiet. Everybodz but the new girl. Mia was not there.
Everybody was sitting just somewhere: on chairs, on tables. And this time as well it was the same procedure as always: Mrs Polanska, the Polish teacher, came into the room and through her thick glasses she looked annoyed at the pupils sitting on the tables. Within a few minutes, everything was in the best order.
-How can you behave like this? You are too loud and too rude! Is this how the new elite of our country looks like? - Mrs Polanska was not screaming, she was a teacher with great experience, authority, and with a very ear-splitting voice. She knew this class was not as bad as they might think now after her criticism, but she was already in her years and she needed to stick truly to her values.
Everybody sat down and some even uttered some short excuses. It was so quiet you could hear the wind outside, and this wind was not strong, only moving the weakest leaves in the trees.
The teacher looked down on her notes in the schoolbook and the pupils started to take out their things for this lesson. A whoosh of books and booklets could be heard throughout the class.
It was one minute before eight o’clock (beginning of the lesson), Mia stood in the door and looked around quickly. She already knew where she would sit. If you do not perceive people as human beings, it is not so difficult to find the place you’re looking for. She just came in and sat down on a chair near the window. So, no one who would come to the classroom would notice her at once. And this was her intention. This was down to some weird scenarios in her head caused by phobias.
Only when she was already sitting down she looked at people around her as human beings and her look did not invite them to look back at her. People were busy talking and now the teacher came into the room, everybody calmed down and was silent. Then the school bell rang and everybody took out the stuff they needed for this lesson.
Mrs Polanska started to check the attendance list and she did not wait long for the reply. It was enough for everzbody to make any faintest noise and the teacher already knew, who was present. Additionally, the woman did not even look up to check whether it was correct or not. At last, when she read the name of the new pupil she was astonished by the quiet “present” from the end of the room. Not only the teacher was confused.
Everybody looked into the corner where Emilia was sitting. Nobody was expecting the new girl to be present, nobody had noticed her until now. As if she would be invisible. Incredible! Emilia already made this experience very often and was looking at the class with a small, friendly smile on her face. She seemed to be a nice girl. She had big, green eyes, curly, brown and quite long hair and she was pretty. She did not wear brands, but you noticed she had style. She preferred simple, almost cold colours like sky blue and a shirt with a white collar. All sporty clothes, although she wore blue jeans and inconspicuous ballerinas. It was a sunny September and it was warm enough to walk without a jacket. Nonetheless, she took one. It was put on an empty chair next to her.
Her face did not change just because 26 persons were looking at her. It was the OMG moment. Nevertheless, Mia did not show the same reaction as many people would do. She did not turn red, she did not move, she did not even breathe in.
Everybody seemed to ask how it could happen that nobody could notice a new girl in the room? Even Mrs Polanska was astonished although she already knew all the different walking styles and was able to determine who it was, just by hearing her pupils walk. She would even hear the quietest whispering at the very end of the room (which annoyed every pupil of course) and now she did not hear anything. She took two deep breaths and looked at her class register for a while. Reading names was not necessary for her, she knew right from the beginning who was and who missing, but this whole experience had changed today. She tried to look at the new girl, but she could not just stare.
So she started to ask some questions about the literature figures they were talking about in the previous lesson. Of course, she asked the new one, too. It was a good possibility to look at her without having to look for excuses. As a matter of fact, these questions did not pose a problem for the new girl. She answered every single question in plain sentences, with simple logic and good arguments as if she had already prepared answers.
She was not disrespectful, she was self-conscious and somehow classy. From this day on Mrs Polanska tried to learn the way of walking of her new pupil, but it was hard to get. Emilia was so quiet and so elegant at the same time that it was almost impossible.
During the break, Emilia had to face the first questions from the other pupils: how did she get here, why and all the other things you ask somebody new.
- Please, call me Mia. – said Emilia and of course she had to answer how she liked the city and the school and this and that. Tit for tat... She answered plainly with short sentences and you could not get much information about herself, neither when some of pupils asked questions, you cannot answer with a simple “yes”, or “no”.
Everybody who was looking at Mia felt as if they already knew her for years although nobody knew much about her and she did not make the impression of letting anybody close to her. This seemed to be impossible. She was polite and very well educated, but she did not share much information about her. Instead, she kept directing the converstion towards different topics, by asking someone about something and then the discussion would go on about something completely different, making it almost impossible to return to the main question: who is that girl?
Only Viola was looking at the new girl with different thoughts. She already noticed Mia did not change much and it was still possible to recognize her. For Mia it was neither good nor bad that everyone was looking at her and wanted to talk. She had manners, style, and seemed to be uncomplicated.
Viola was complicated and to keep her mask of a totally blond was a challenge right now. She hated the feeling of being around Mia. It was years ago, since she had seen her, they were still kids. However, she knew something that nobody else here knew. Usually she would turn it into a great scandal, but Mia's secret was connected to Viola herself. Viola respected her anyway. She did not like her, but she respected her. Some people are just broken and you do not touch them so that they do not fall apart. This was the reason why Mia’s secret was safe.
#5 JUST MY IMAGINATION
After two days in Warsaw, she already had a new job. She did not look like 17. She looked like at least 18 years old, even without make-up. Looking like an adult can make a significant difference, when looking for a job. Furthermore, although she was not 18 on the paper, she made such a good impression that she easily got the job. She had to take care of an old lady. It is not common in Poland to pay somebody to take care of your grandma. Most people do not have enough money and live with their parents or with their kids and don’t spend money for such extravagant things. However, there were some people, who became rich after the change of the economic system, earning good money. Of course, they did not want to show it and cause envy of their best friends and the beloved tax office. Nevertheless, they needed somebody to take care of their weakest family members.
This work was illegal, but for Mia this was not a problem. She needed money. Also, this was not the only reason why she needed this job. Looking after “grandma Zofia” was easy. Zofia, an old woman, was over 80 years old and almost a vegetable. She was able to understand what you were teling her, but she was not able to answer. She just tried to communicate using her eyes and sometimes it worked. It worked when she wanted to hire Mia. Mia was a young girl with this energy young people have, energy which has to be stolen from them, when the old ones don’t get it in another way. Zofia’s eyes were so enthusiastic as if she was high on drugs. This work was not so hard. It was all about sitting there, talking with Zofia, reading to Zofia, listening to music or any other form of spreading some young energy in the room. Besides, Mia should just come 2-3 times a week and in the case of emergency there was in a second team of people who should take care of the old lady.
Grandma Zofia had the hands of an old person, full of traces from the past. They were delicate and warm. She always wanted to hold something in her hands. She used to say that she wants to feel life as long as she was still alive. Grandma Zofia`s hair was as white as snow and short like women used to have it back in the 20ies. Mia used to comb it like that and Mia even brought a hair slide in style of the early 20ties. Grandma Zofia was always very pleased when Mia was around. She loved to hear Mia talking. Mia’s voice was like medicine to her.
Mia usually just talked about what she had seen in the city or read books aloud and grandma Zofia was pleased to hear this young, friendly voice like a drug giving her the will to live. It made the old lady think about God. Maybe, he was busy, and then sometimes he sent some extraordinary people you meet in your life.
Mia used to read aloud. It helped her to visualise what the book was about. She could better imagine the characteres from Sienkiewicz’s trilogy, the favourite book of grandma Zofia`s. It was about knights from the 18th century who were fighting with swords and honour, who always followed their codex and never broke the rules. Mia could almost feel the green meadows of Poland and Ukraine and feel the wind on her face, the wind that brought her news about the outcome of battles and complicated fates of the main heroes.
She was almost bleeding like the main characters and she was very enthusiastic when they were happy. It was a strange feeling and hard to describe - how do you describe a feeling anyway - but Mia was almost a part of the book she was reading aloud. Moreover, grandma Zofia liked to hear the emotions Mia apparently transported in her voice. As she was reading aloud, she forgot about the entire world, and reality around her was further away than the things she was reading. She got the impression to know these lands, she had never seen before and to know the knights she had never met. Mia did not remember since when she discovered this gift, but as far as she could remember it has been there all her life.
#6 COSY IN MY MIND
Because the medicine for Mia’s grandmother was expensive and Mia did not want to use the small pension of her grandmother for it, she needed another job. She found an offer for a translator. Her own grandma was not as nice as the old “grandma Zofia” and Mia would not ever call her grandma a grandma. It was just “grandmother”. No emotions, no talks, no taking care. Mia’s grandmother was a cold old lady. Mia herself was the greatest problem for her grandmother and she did not want Mia to aks for more than she got even if she had to work more or less hard.
Recently, Mia bought some new books and schoolbooks. Her grandmother was not happy about it and said such books could be found in every library. There was no necessity to have a library at home. Yes, home sweet home, without books, without fantasy worlds and without any warm feelings, but with a history.
Mia looked at the job advertisement and called the number. She talked shortly to the guy and made an appointment. Of course, she knew right away where she wanted to meet this guy. She never risked too much. The voice on the line was very warm and comforting. And professional. And curious. They did not have to talk for hours and they did not. On the next day, they should meet in a small and amiable place called “Casablanca”. The guy suggested meeting in “Sunshine”, one of the new clubs, but she turned it down with her own proposal. She already knew that place, because she walked in there on her very first day in Warsaw. It was located in the city centre, but not easy to find. Moreover, the atmosphere was good enough to read books. She loved books and never had an own place to read them. At home, it was impossible, because she did not feel well there. There was no possibility to read, aloud or not. At school – yeah, who is reading books at school? Such small teahouses, which you could easily find in every bigger city, were the magical places where you could sit for hours and read, read, read.
“Casablanca” was one of them, and it also was stylish and young at the same time. The air smelled like true roiboos, delicious vanilla, and seductive chocolate cookies. The walls were not naked, but with modern, blue and green patterns on a sand-yellow background. The furniture had an old style and was made of real wood, not wannabe-wood. Here and there, old dried out flowers were hanging on the walls and the candles on the tables had different shapes and colours. “Casablanca” was just perfect.
#7 WHISPER OF A THRILL
Sebastian was driving along the streets and was angry because of all the stops (these traffic lights!). He was talking with his best fellow, Julian. The conversation was not about very important things and could be interupted every second without any of them feeling the need for further explanations. There it was: just a short “sya” was a sign for the end of the discussion and Sebastian reversed his own car into a parking space. It was one of the newer types, and most importantly, it was his very own car. He had worked to be able to buy it and he had earned it with his sweat and honest work. Moreover, he was proud of himself every time he looked at his deep blue Audi A2. It is not common in Poland to have your own car by the age of 24. And if you did, it usually was a legendary car like Polonez or Fiat, known to the rest of the world only from stories. Lately more and more young people owned old second/hand cars like VW or BMW, that had been fixed and pimped up in Polish workshops. Poland was becoming mobile.
Sebastian knew this teahouse, he used to like it until one of “their” girls started working there, and he was not as open for a relationship with her as she was. Usually, he was sitting in “Sunshine”, because it was the restaurant and disco club of his friend. Julian never ever had to ask for money, if he wanted to get something. If he wanted to travel somewhere, he travelled. If he wanted to buy a new car, he bought it. He was a young guy with a great bank account, a posh Ford Mustang and his own club. Many girls wanted to date this guy, have his contacts and his money. And so it was. Julian was like a King Midas, who touched something and it became pure gold. What a lucky guy! Therefore, Julian started with his own club, with his own stuff, with the music he liked and pretty girls he was dating sometimes. Sebastian even thought that Julian helped to push up “Casablanca”, too, but he was not sure. Julian was always saying something very important while others were talking silly things. And if you were smart, you could easily notice such remarks and use them.
Julian convinced Sebastian to start his translation work here in the same way and thanks to his advice Sebastian won his first customers. Now, he already had a good reputation on the market and therefore he was in the good position of being his own boss and a student. In addition, he had time to organise parties with his friends and to observe how "Sunshine" turned into the best club in the city. Funnily enough, "Sunshine" was succesful because of the word-of-mouth advertising.
Sunshine was THE place where young people met to show themselves and their importance. Nobody remembered the times when parties were usually organized at home and how much fun they had in these private rooms that were much smaller than a dance floor here. It was not so long ago. When they had to decide where to study and what to do with their lives, people moved to the capital being convinced they would not be happy in any other city. All you wanted to get in Poland you surely got in Warsaw. The cultural life in Warsaw does not slow down even for a moment. You have the Jazz Jamboree Festival or Warsaw Autumn. Music and Film Festivals draw a wave of artists towards the capital and you can always impress girls by taking them to such events. Warsaw has many tourist attractions which make it easier to get to know the city better and which are worth taking advantage of. You are never bored there.
Therefore, Sebastian and his friends were happy finally to have a chance to meet not only High School girls and to live in a city that is vivid by day and night. A higher way of driving as you say in Poland. So the two guys, who were almost like brothers started their life here. It could not go wrong, because King Midas was there. That is how they got every girl they wanted and everything they planned.
With these thoughts in mind, Sebastian enetered into the teahouse. “Casablanca” was still a place with atmosphere, with a smell of tasty vanilla and pure roiboos. Besides, you got chocolate cookies there, home-made of course! Already when talking to her on the phone, he noticed that the girl seemed to be rather smart and professional. Was she reliable? He had to check it. The last girl he hired was fired after a week. For him, this was just the beginning of a terrible season of finding a new girl for work. Most of the girls were not interested int he job but in getting to know him or Julian; they presented rather their breasts than showing some skills in English, German or any other language – except body language. It was sometimes so hard to find someone reliable. Now he stepped in and looked around to see her, thinking about how to test her to prove her skills. In addition, he was prepared for another failure. He had already understood from her voice that she was a professional, but to be on the safe side, he had to be prepared anyway. He was looking around and it took him some time untill he finally noticed her. She was not hidden; she was just sitting with one of the books many girls love to read these days, some story about vampires. Girly stuff.
As he approached her his first thought was: she is normal. Thank you, God!
He said “Hello” and sat down. He shook her hand and looked at her. She had big deep green eyes. She smiled friendly. She did not move. She had such energy in her body and such depth in her eyes. You could simply fall in love with her although she was not the greatest beauty in the world. He was so impressed that he did not start to talk and they were sitting facing each other. He was just falling into the great depth of her green eyes.
Mia started to talk. Her voice was even more fascinating than her eyes. He concentrated on the sound of the voice at first; therefore, he did not hear what she was talking about. He took two deep breaths and asked her politely to repeat what she said. She wasn’t feeling uneasy or touched and repeated politely:
- I am Anna, hello. So what about this job? You seem to be quite busy and I will not take too much of your time.
Then he was again the old Sebastian, he was the boss and explained her everything. She said she knows English, Italian, Latin and a little bit of French. Moreover, for the first time he was missing the interest of any other thing than work. She was very professional. She did not use any inappropriate words and she was very polite. He trusted her just from the very first second like he trusted Julian. It was new for him. The conversation was too short for him.
He looked at her more intensely to find out what was going on inside this girl. He had liked her from the very first moment. He did not even check her skills. He just confirmed to her that she was on probation and she could get a contract if she wanted. She agreed. He said it was going to take some time to prepare the contract and asked whether he should send it to her by snail mail or by email. Does it matter?
Of course, it did matter. She never ever gave out her real address and like everybody else, he got one of her e-mail addresses. She preferred to meet somewhere for the hand-over of the contract.
Great!
He was happy with that solution. He smiled, maybe even too much.
Until today, he had never felt anything similar to what he was living through now. He was just happy and had a feeling of meeting the one person for whom he had been waiting for since he was born. Was this love at first sight? Was it so easy to be caught in it? Probably not. It was maybe a fascination, an attraction, a desire. But love? Maybe rather falling in love?
Anyway, he had not enough time to catch his thoughts, because he already was in love with her. He did not even manage to order a coffee and tried hard to hide his emotions from her, altough he was sure, it was so obvious for her to read his mind.
She saw a friendly smile in his eyes and she knew he was had a good heart. She felt connected to him in an unspoken way from the very first moment. Mia had this kind of rare feeling to like someone for real, to be interested in his values and his life. She knew it was not professional and she even thought they could be friends, if everything would be different. She did not have any friends because of all the relocations in her life and because of pieces of certain memories going around in her head.
Mia promised herself to keep away from people, as far as it was possible. After a couple of years, it was not so hard anymore. Of course, you care about people around you, you talk with them, but it is just superficial. You do not allow them to get to know you and you do not let yourself get into their lives. It was the simple solution, even if it was hard sometimes. Mia was not the type of person to talk much and did not need to be in contact with people. At least that was her perception and receipt for her life. The dark chapter of her childhood still hurt her and although she did not remember much about it, she was three years old at that time, she had the feeling, that the way she was behaving and living her life was the right way. Mia was convinced it was her fate to be among people but to stay alone.
A waitress came and asked what he liked to drink. At the same time, the waitress with Barbie-like pink nails smiled broadly and asked whether he wishes the same extra black coffee as usual.
It was no surprise that Sebastian was popular with the girls. He was looking like Brad Pitt, but he was younger and rather blond. His hair was cut perfectly in dissimilar length up to his ears. His face was welcoming bright and his eyes were friendly, smiling with tiny grey sparkles. He was tall, maybe not tall enough to be considered for a basketball team in the NBA, but with no doubt tall enough for a High School basketball team. Despite his cool style, Mia could see that he was rather sporty and put the emphasis on comfort. He was wearing trainers and jeans. His jacket was yeasty, but had the business presence as well.
He looked across the room and saw a familiar face. It was one of the girls from Julian’s club. She did not work there anymore. Her career in “Sunshine” lasted only two nights. Then Julian decided not to keep her in his team. Julian always had a way with people. He could perfectly characterize any person, his first impression was never wrong. Maybe this was the key to his success. Sebastian was curious what Julian would think about Anna. She wore a simple top in an unremarkable blue colour, and jeans, and she had something inside her that forced him to watch her.
Sebastian smiled back at the waitress and looked at Mia even longer.
-Would you like anything?
-Thank you, I already have my tea.
-What are you doing here, Sebastian? – asked the waitress.
-Business stuff.
-Oh, I get it. And how does it work? Why are you not in "Sunshine"? – continued the waitress, apparently she did not want to leave so soon. Her pink nails were impatiently drumming on the table.
She intentionally ignored Mia and asked more and more questions. Then Sebastian stopped this flood of words and came back to the really important stuff for him. With the same power of a waterfall, he would ask Anna so many things right now.
As
much as the waitress was trying to get some information she could use
for her advantage as much he was trying to let this moment be
immortal. He heard about a shot of love, but he never thought it
could happen so suddenly
like a summer storm. Or maybe it was the
calm
before a storm.
Back in reality, he answered the questions of the
waitress shortly and then he continued to
talk
with Anna.
As he got his absolutely black coffee everything
was
already settled,
and
Anna
stood up and wanted to leave. Fortunately, he had her mobile
number and could contact her anytime. She said
she wanted to drop
him
a message when she finished her work. Great. Then she smiled, shortly
and politely, said goodbye and left.
There was just a yellow cup of tea and a white pot, which she left as the only proofs of her presence there. He was still sitting there with a feeling of happiness. She would not disappear for long and they will meet again. It was a great outlook.
And so it was. She called him two days later and they met again. In these two days, he was not as distracted as he expected. A simple feeling of happiness was escorting him. If falling in love was alwys like this he could be in love for years. Being in love was like waiting for a great, friendly surprise. The world became a better place and you really could swear you saw the world through pink shades. An irritated shop assistant in the corner shop was not so annoying anymore, a girl walking down the street was smiling even brighter and he was in good spirits from the moment he woke up until the moment he went to sleep. Yes, indeed falling in love was a very desirable feeling.
#8 TODAY HAS BEEN OK
The next time they met again in the teahouse. He checked her translation and was happy with it, as it was really good. He did not expect her to call so early, and he was a little bit surprised about her speed of work. He tried not to show any further emotions and limited himself to a friendly smile. But her eyes could not be betrayed.
Compared to the their first meeting he was not as much stunned, he was happy and feeling lucky, but he managed to focus on her words and sentences. He enjoyed this more controlled way of being in love more than the former inability to react. He was not paralysed; he was just deeply in love.
Again, she was the first to stand up and leave the teahouse. The third and the fourth meeting went the same way. They talked a little, she took work papers from him or handed back her work and then at some stage she just said “it’s late enough” and then she stood up to shake his hand for goodbye. She had very delicate hands, almost like a pianist's. Her fingers were long and thin, but she shook his hand quite determinedly.
Two weeks later the waitress asked him if there was something going on between them. He did not know what to answer and said it was just business. On the way home he thought not for the first time that it was not just business. He wanted to spend more time with her. He wanted to ask her so many questions. Until now, all he knew was, that she was not a student of English language, probably she was not even a student. She was apparently a High School girl with a calm and classy way of living. She seemed to be sportive. As she was standing up it was energetic and powerful, but with the grace of a prima ballerina.
#9 WHAT YOU’RE WAITING FOR
Mia never slowed down. She ran as if it would be a case of emergency, like she would be on the run. She enjoyed feeling the wind in her face and the fresh forest air in her lungs.
She loved running. She tried leaving the city behind at least twice a week and to run through the woods. In Warsaw, it was quite hard to find a park that was not crowded with people. People were everywhere and Mia needed to be alone. Running does not help when you see happy families everywhere. It was not helpful trying to avoid happy people on the streets, but in the woods, it was different. There she could run as far as she wanted and most of the time she did not meet anyone on her way.
There was no better way for her to channel her thoughts or just not to think as during a long run. Mia did not get tired quickly and she was pretty fast, at least she thought she was. When she was running, she enjoyed the moment, the silence and the nature. She loved rainy days with their raindrops falling unwillingly onto the grounds. She loved sunny days with sun rays giving her more energy and happiness. She sometimes went running in the evenings, when she could already see the stars in the sky and she just smiled back to these shiny dots above her. It was helping her to get over her past and to collect hopes for the future. It was the only time when she totally turned off herself. At least she had this impression.
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